|me:||so do u like dogs|
|her:||nah they're kinda gross|
|me:||my mama said I gotta come home right now immediately|
Many of us know Olive Garden’s slogan When You’re Here, You’re Family. Well, I recently put that to the test.
The tables were wooden and nice to sit at. The chairs were also comfortable. The view wasn’t anything special, but there was a pretty cool looking van in the Walmart parking lot that had flames on its sides.
I was immediately offered wine, and after admitting I was underage, refused wine. If you’re going to offer me wine, please don’t rescind your offer. It’s common courtesy.
The napkins were probably the highlight. They were cloth and worked really well at cleaning the windows. One waiter told me I didn’t have to do that, but I insisted. After all, I like a good, clear view of parking lots. Who doesn’t.
Finally, it was time to order. I went with the pizza. The menu said I could pick four toppings, so I chose half portions of eight toppings. There were only seven to choose from, though, so I made one up. “…and blorgaspork.”
"Sorry? What is blorgaspork?"
"That’s your job to know, now isn’t it."
After a reasonable wait, my food arrived. It was a really good meal, not exactly overpriced, but not exactly underpriced either. It was just priced.
My waiter soon arrived and asked me if I wanted dessert.
"Steve," I said, "Have a seat."
"I have this business idea. And while I’m here, and we’re family, I was hoping you could give me a loan."
Steve tried to laugh it off. Like it was some kind of joke. I was offended and he could tell. “Steve, this isn’t a joke.”
Steve looked a bit nervous. I grabbed his hands and pinned them to the table. “Are we family or not, Steve.”
"Not in the literal sense…" said Steve. I wasn’t going to let him reason his way out of this one.
"Look, Steve. I cleaned your windows. Family does that for each other. They clean each others’ windows. Now, don’t you think I deserve that loan? We’re family, Steve, we’re family."
Steve handed me 13 bucks. “Thanks, Steve.”
Someone on Twitter asked me at the Ask Orange event last week what my favorite thing is about Poussey, and I said “her smile.” Because, although a lot of people talk about how the show is a mix between comedy and drama, being in prison is not necessarily funny. It’s not a funny situation. But there can be people in prison who are naturally funny people, and people that you would enjoy spending time with, enjoy sharing a meal with. Although throughout the season you see that Poussey is frustrated by her incarceration, she has four more years to do there, so it’s not like she can so much see her end date. So I think, in contrast to some of the other characters, she really has to make prison her home, and has to make it livable there. I really enjoyed finding the joy within the fucked up-ness of it. —Samira Wiley